Funniest Sports Insults
While sportsmen are generally not known for either their wit or their way with words, rushes of blood to the head appear to be capable of spurring sportsmen’s brains into actions, resulting in some classic quips and one-liners.
 “Mr Agnew, I believe you have a slight swing in your flaw.”
Words uttered by Jimmy Demaret, three times major winner, after becoming frustrated with the incompetence of his pro-am playing partner, American vice-president Spiro T. Agnew. |
| “Bet you wouldn’t have dropped it if it was a donut you fat ****!”
Natal rugby player to portly South African prop Ollie le Roux, after the former dropped the ball on the try line |
 “He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn’t score many goals. Apart from that he’s all right.”
English football legend, George Best, on David Beckham’s qualities as a player |
| “Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I’m building an idiot.”
Australian spectator to England spinner Phil Tufnell |
 “What problems do you have, apart from being unemployed, a moron and a dork?”
An irate John McEnroe to an unfortunate spectator |
| Rodney Marsh to Ian Botham during the Ashes: “So how are your wife and my kids?”
Ian Botham: “The wife’s fine. Your kids are retarded.” |
 “You were a crap player, you are a crap manager. The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are manager of my country and you’re not even Irish, you English ****. You can stick it up your bollocks.”
Roy Keane’s infamous comment to manager Mick McCarthy that earned him an early ticket home from the 2002 FIFA World Cup |
| Glamorgan’s Greg Thomas to Viv Richards after the West Indian batting legend missed a ball: “It’s red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering.”
Richards after hitting Thomas’ next ball for six: “Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it.” |
 “If you don’t calm down you’ll live up to your name.”
Bath and England prop, Gareth Chilcott, to Welsh prop Dai Young after being repeatedly fouled in the scrum. |
| “I don’t think heading a ball has got anything to do with it, footballers are stupid enough anyway.”
Premier League spokesperson remarks on reports that heading the ball can lead to brain injuries. |
 “I’m not the next Anna Kournikova — I want to win matches.”
Maria Sharapova in reply to a journalist’s comparison between her and the famous tennis player-turned-model |
| “The bad news for Saddam Hussein is that he’s just been sentenced to the death penalty. The good news for Saddam is that David Beckham is taking it.”
Anonymous reflection on David Beckham’s penalty kicking ability |
 Ken Norton (boxer): “My wife just had a baby.”Joe Frazier (boxing legend): “Congratulations! Whose baby is it?” |